Friday, March 10, 2006

Another week over

Another week is over and done and I feel like I should be able to pull myself out of the depression and sadness and anger but I just can't seem to manage it yet. My mom keeps reminding me it's only been 2 months and this takes time. Maybe when I get moved I'll feel better. The tears are still so close to the surface and start when least expected. It's embarassing. What's worse is I have no control over it. When I look at my dogs, when my friends husband calls her at work and they laugh and talk, driving in my car, standing in the shower the tears just fall. I've bit the inside of my lip raw some days trying to gain control. Maybe it would have been easier to handle if he had actually told me face to face what was going on instead of just leaving and then sending me cryptic emails assuming I knew what he meant. He's refused to actually talk to me about any of this, just says he doesn't want to fight and it is too late for counseling so in effect I get no say at all. I don't even get to comment. I wrote him an email trying to discuss some of what he had said to me in emails and now I get total coldness and "Please give my mail to Josh" So he gets to just walk away without having to hear me or deal with me at all. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered how he told me. I don't know, I just know that I should have at least been able to express how I felt about what was happening face to face with him.

Our friends Sue and Peter are in Mexico right now and will be back on Monday. They live in the Okanagan and Peter is going to drop Sue off here to spend a few days with me over spring break. She works in the school system so she gets spring break off. I'll have to go to work each day but she can either come with me or spend the day doing her own thing. Jude will have her oldest granddaughter over spring break as well so maybe both of them will be at work with us. On Friday we are leaving work a bit early and we'll drive the 4 of us up to Merritt. That is where Jude's daughters live and it is on the way to where Sue lives so Peter will pick her up in Merritt and take her the rest of the way.

Still apartment hunting. I called one that sounds good but it is within a few blocks of where I am now and I'm not sure that is a good idea if Al is going to be living here for any length of time. Tomorrow would have been my step-dad's birthday. He died a year and a half ago. I've had him on my mind all day today. Tomorrow will be a hard day for my mom. She still misses him so much.

Khushwinder made Jude and I two beautiful wooden lawn chairs for out front at work. Now all we need is some sunshine and spring weather so we can enjoy them. It snowed yesterday and overnight dropped some more. I came home early yesterday but went today. Scary slippery mess. Can't wait for spring to arrive. The sun shone for all of half an hour today but Khush and I both enjoyed it immensely.

1 comment:

Sue, Toronto said...

Hi Elizabeth Anne,

So sorry to hear how you're still hurting. Even if counselling together isn't an option, is always something you can pursue independently, if you feel it might help. Really great that your friend is coming to spend a week with you. Friends can be pillars of strength during times like these, just by being there.

Those chairs are really nice! Am also waiting impatiently for the warm weather and sunshine. It'll be here soon....
Take care Anne,