Every morning when I wake up sick and nauseous and I tell myself, "I can't do this any more!!" The little "Rah Rah" team in my head starts in with "Yes you can, you can do this!" and talks me back around and I eventually get through the day.
This week after I took my shot on Tuesday night and got through Wednesday and Thursday I was doing not too badly. Very tired and dragged out but not too bad. I went to bed and woke up on Friday morning throwing up. It took me hours to get down the little magic pill and that didn't even do it. I struggled all day with my stomach and trying to get at least a bit of liquid down and keep it down and of course got no pills down at all. Saturday morning I woke up to the same damn thing. Throwing up uncontrollably. Heaving and heaving and legs so shaky I couldn't stand. That's when the little Rah Rah team quit and agreed with me. I can't do this. I can't handle day after day after day of heavy nausea and throwing up on Fridays. I just can't do this alone.
I feel like I am letting a whole lot of people down starting with the hospital and my doctor but I know I have done the best I can with trying to do this drug trial and go to work and maintain the apartment, bill paying, and taking care of the animals and all the other day to day minutia that is required to maintain a life. I hope everyone else manages to get through this and I wish everyone the best of luck. I need time now to get better and regain my strength. I still feel week, sick and dizzy and haven't had any drugs since Thursday night. So there you have it! I'm done.