Friday afternoon

Well. I thought I had it all together and headed off for my doctor appointment. I was fine and got called in. I went because one of my diuretics was going to run out over the weekend and I needed to go. So I asked about going back to Vancouver to see the Dr. there and he said really right now there is no point.

My doctor there is all about the drug trials or when you get to the transplant stage. The last discussion was that I should have regular endoscopy's and try and maintain for 5 years till the next wave of drugs come along. I am pretty sure he isn't thinking about the protease inhibitors because I had already tried the Vertex drug in the trial. So he wants me to keep seeing the fellow that did the endoscopy as he is a gastro guy.

At that point I burst into tears. I have nothing at all against this gastro fellow and I have no idea why I burst into tears like that. I just can't seem to control it right now if anything at all goes not the way I expect it to I cry, but of course this was the correct place to do it. After a chit chat and him refilling all my prescriptions he took me to another spot and had me fill out the depression test sheet and of course I am depressed. Really at this point why wouldn't I be lol. Oh lord, anyway I am now on Citalpram and I started taking them today. The pharmacist said it will take a few weeks before they kick in and it will probably cause nausea (lol of course it will!!) but she swears this will go away in a couple of weeks. So hopefully I can get this all under control again. As for the rest of my pills I am to just keep on and hopefully I will maintain.

Friday

I'm off to the doctor for a pill refill and to ask to be sent back to the specialist to see where I am at. It took me most of a week to get back together again from the endoscopy. I always recover from the physical part of these things before the emotional and dealing with the findings. That takes me longer and I have a tendency to hibernate because I get so weepy and it's not something I can control and I hate that. I'm still a bit weepy but much more able to deal today.

On Tuesday I took Lacey out for a quick walk around the neighbourhood and we got attacked by a big german shepard size dog that was chained up to someone's front steps. It started lunging and barking as we were walking along the street on the opposite side of the road. As we got adjacent to it the dog broke the chain and came charging at us. Lacey is only 13 lbs and she pretty much freaked and was looking to get away. I turned my back on the dog and stepped between her and Lacey and scooped Lacey up in my arms and just kept turning away from the big dog. The owner was screaming and trying to get the dog and I just kept turning away and then walked away from them when she grabbed the dog momentarily. I got about 5 steps away and burst into tears and cried the rest of the way home. I can't deal with little things or big things. I was supposed to be going to a friends for dinner and I just couldn't. That was the end of my day and I went back into hibernation. Doc appointment time - be back later.

Endoscopy

I had my endoscopy on Thursday. I had one 14 months ago and I had slight varices so I wasn't sure how much that had changed. I got to the hospital and checked in with General Daycare. They sent me to a waiting room and about 5 minutes later a nurse arrived to collect me and another fellow. We followed her to our respective beds and I was given a gown and told to change and get on the stretcher. A nice lady brought me a warmed blanket and then they took the normal blood pressure etc. and asked a ton of questions regarding prior history. Warm blanket nurse came and started my IV. Then it was my turn. They wheeled me into the room - brand new state of the art - huge computer monitors everywhere and lots of long armed equiment. So they sat me up first and sprayed the gag reflex numbing stuff into my throat. I am such a bad gagger! The nurse is saying swallow that and I'm gagging and trying to spit it out! But we got through that and they make you lay on your left side and then she tried to put in the mouth guard which started the gagging again. They gave me a bit of the anesthetic and then no problems. Once the mouth guard was in I was gone and don't remember anything until they were waking me up back in my curtained cubicle. I think the first thing I asked was did he band any and she said yes four or five. When I was awake enough they started telling me I could get dressed and they would call my ride home. Then I threw up. Not pleasant. They gave me all my instructions on a piece of paper and I held my paper plate to be sick in again if need be and I was going to go to the waiting room downstairs and as I staggered by the nabbed me and made me sit in a chair and wait till Lynnie arrived. Once she got there I started to get up to go and staggered around some more so they sent her off to get a wheel chair to get me to the car. We got home and from the car to the apartment door and as we stuggled to get a key in I threw up again. Made it in and basically waved goodbye, said thank you very much and went and laid down. I was on fluids only for Thursday and soft foods for yesterday. It was very sore all day yesterday and I didn't manage to eat much. Spent most of the day watching tv and resting. Today it is 4:00am and I am wide awake. I'm trying to drink a cup of tea but am feeling queasy. I go back to see him in six weeks. This morning I am realizing how much damage has been done in the last year. From slight varices to having to band them seems quick to me. So along with the varices and the acites I would say we are getting closer to the end of my liver.