The days fly by

I'm back :) For awhile I just wasn't into updating and didn't feel like I had anything to say. All is good but lots has happened in the last little while. Let's see........... after I got back from my trip to the island all I really wanted to do was figure out how to get myself moved over there. I still would like to make the move but there are so many other things to worry about right now that it is on the back burner for a few years. My family is here and so is my Hep C doctor. My friends and my complete support system are here. Also at the time my job was here but there was talk that we might fold.

When we went to work for the tree farm the place was already set up, the equipment bought and the contracts etc signed so we really had not much control over how the initial money was spent. The tree spade truck they bought was not what we needed and in many cases would not work for what we wanted. The monthly expenses were huge and we could not bring in enough to cover them consistently let alone make a profit so the owner was putting money in from another business they have. Just around the end of summer he told us he could not put any more money in to keep us running and it was either make or break time. We were banking heavily on our CanWest Trade show to bring in some orders. While we did garner alot of interest and many phone calls regarding the tree relocation end of the business it did not give us any huge orders for trees. It did though have several other tree places offering us jobs.

Jude talked to the owner in September after the show and asked him to give us one more month to see if we got anything coming up from the trade show and so we could regroup and decide what to do. Basically we 4 decided it was time to fold the business or at least for the 4 of us to bow out and leave it to the owner to decide what he wanted to do. Last Friday was my last day and today is the day that Jude is meeting with the owner to finalize her resignation. I have a new job to go to (Jude's brother's company was just in the process of finding someone for their office) and Jude is planning on taking a few weeks to decide what she wants to do. The guys are done as well and have plans so we are all doing fine and are happy with what we did accomplish there.

Jude and I both are of the school that thinks that each thing we do is a learning experience that teaches us and gets us ready for the next chapter in life whatever it may be. I will be starting my new job either this coming Monday or the following one. It will be a one girl office thing again which I like and it will include bookkeeping, reception, webpaging and most of what I was doing at the tree farm minus the physical labour. This is a good thing! I'm not sure yet whether or not I can take Lacey to work with me each day or not, I have to go and scope things out and see. Things may be dicey there for awhile as the girl that was doing the books was the salesman's wife and he is not going to be a happy camper that they are letting her go. But one day at a time and we'll see how it goes. If need be I can always find another job.

What I really should be doing is starting treatment but I can't chance being too sick to work when I have bills coming in each month and no income to pay them. I'm also starting to worry that Al might be waiting for a year to pass (January) and then he can file for a no fault divorce and then I won't have medical or dental any longer either. Again, one day at a time and we'll see what happens and deal with it when it comes up.

I don't hear from Al or contact him at all. I don't talk about him and I try not to think about him. It still upsets me and throws me into a blue funk for a few days. I had a set-to with Josh (middle son) a month ago and he said that he feels like he shouldn't mention Al and that the other boys don't see him much so it leaves it to Josh to see him and then he feels like I am mad at him for spending so much time there. Christmas was also a looming horror show for me and I had talked to my mom and we were considering going away for Christmas this year and then I thought No, I can't just abandon the kids and it was time to start making my own traditions and so I asked Mom if she would come out here for a few days over Christmas and spend it here with me and she said yes. So I decided to let the kids know early what my plans were so they could then set their own plans regarding where they were going to go etc. I said that anyone that wanted to come for Christmas dinner was welcome to do so but that I needed a head count. Mom will be here Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and I'll take her home on Boxing Day. Well Josh said I was monopolizing Christmas and maybe he would have Christmas dinner with Dad so he wouldn't be alone. Then the next time it came up he denied saying it. I told him it was up to him what he wanted to do! The upshot of the whole deal was he and I had taken the dog for a walk when he wanted to get into a big discussion as to why I was so touchy about Dad etc. I ended up crying most of the walk, all the way home and then had nightmares about Al all night long. I wrote Josh an email and basically just layed it all out.

I told him I have worked very hard for the last 8 months to make a life for myself and to try and put Al and all he did behind me and yes it bothers me to hear about him or from him. I've asked Josh numerous times to keep it to himself. I've never asked the boys not to see Al or said anything bad to them about him. I've kept a good deal of it to myself and to this blog so that I don't influence the boys and their feelings regarding him. The fact that Dave and Ryan don't see him that often is not my fault or my problem. I didn't create this situation, Al did. He has to deal with the consequences of what he set in motion. As far as Christmas goes I set my plans and let the rest of them know early so they could set theirs and make arrangements to see Al whenever they wanted to. The only thing I ask of him is to please respect my feelings and don't talk to me about him. Since then he has been very good about not bringing the subject up and we are doing just fine.

I had a bit of a bad spell on Thanksgiving. Dave and Allie asked Ryan and Josh and I to their place for Thanksgiving Dinner along with some of their other friends and we went and had a very nice time. I had a blue spell and shed a few tears when I got home and really tried to analyze what I was so upset about and it finally dawned on me that mostly I was feeling bad for Al and all he has thrown away. Another holiday goes by and he is not included. I started to feel guilty that the kids didn't invite him because they know it upsets me but I can't control how I am feeling and yes it does upset me to be around him so I would have just bowed out and not gone. I don't know what to do about this or how to make it better for him or the kids. All I can do is be honest and continue along trying to make my life the way I want it.

Nemo and Lacey are doing great and are such good company. I still haven't made a doctor's appointment and had counts taken but I will have to go soon in any case as it is time for the flu shots. I'll talk to the doctor then and see where I'm at.

Jude and Lynne and I went to Celista at the beginning of October and saw the beginning of the Adams River Salmon Run. I used to live in Celista and Sue and Peter still live up there so the girls and I went up and had a great weekend with them. They have a cabin on the property that we stayed in. It comes complete with furniture, stove and fridge, hot tub, dishes and bedding. Really all we needed to bring was clothes and food. After we got back I got an email from Sue saying she had been to have a biopsy on a lump in her neck but hadn't wanted to tell me about it and worry me for no good reason. I got a call from her husband on the weekend and she just got the results back and she has lymphoma. That is really all any of us know at this point as she is waiting to hear from the oncologist and the cancer clinic. I guess I have a new chemo angel job! Jude and Lynne as well are going to send her some cards and emails and help keep her spirits up.

We go to see James Blunt on the 5th of November so we are pretty stoked about that and then Jude and I are going to the island on the November long weekend (my birthday) to see her and now my friend Barb. She is a great person and has had such a string of bad luck this last year. In a nutshell she started having seizures for no good reason and had to have all the testing etc which she did. They are just calling it unexplained seizure disorder and she is on anti-seizure medication but the upshot of that was that she had her drivers license taken away until she is 6 months with no seizures. So she decided to get a bike to get around while she had no drivers license. She took the dog on a leash and went out front of her house to try out the brand new bike and the dog bolted and she flew over the handlebars and split open her head and broke both of her elbows! She couldn't do much of anything and it totally sucked. Anyway she made it through 6 weeks of recovery and on the day the doctor gave her the go ahead to go back to work part time she stepped off her porch on her way to work and over she went and broke her ankle! So another 6 weeks off work and a cast on her leg and arms that still could not lift anything of any weight. She has just started back to work finally in the last few weeks and is doing ok but is really looking forward to our visit.

Well that brings me pretty much up to date. The rest of this week off for sure and maybe next and then a new job. Oh, I bought a new computer desk and a flat screen monitor last weekend. I love them both. I'll try to get a picture up.

I have no idea why blogger won't let me upload pictures so here is a link

http://s89.photobucket.com/albums/k207/Axazwrath/October%202006/